Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
