At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
