i would punch a child for taco bell
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize