I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
