You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
