Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
oh god the rape fog is back!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
