the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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