Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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