Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
