Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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