She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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