You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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