CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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