dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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