she smelled like a LAN party
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
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The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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