The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
