The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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