yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
