My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
