Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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