i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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