yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is it because I queefed?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
