Acid is not a monday night drug
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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