Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
