I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
