Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."

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(443): View more from Maryland

i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel

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(651): View more from Minnesota

asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am

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