yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
