he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
