you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
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And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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