there was a trapeze. enough said
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
