dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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