I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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