So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
