I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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