Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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