omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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