3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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