i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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