oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
