hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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