is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
