apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
