I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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