Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
