wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
