Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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