Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
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i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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