READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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