So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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