He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
