There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
