I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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