I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
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Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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