id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
