Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
