So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
