i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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