my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
honey bunches of taint.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
