I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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