I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I still have a little drunk in my system
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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