im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
