guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
