Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
