My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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