whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
