I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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