i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
