I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
