we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
