ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
