So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you win again, gameday.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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