doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
